why
its not always right to stay in pain, when i know i’ve had too much…
and it isn’t always wrong to be happy, when i know its about time i deserve to be…
how ironic life is. i am in deep thoughts with my current situation now in the subject. am i so pathetic or what? he doesnt want/like/love me but will i still stick with loving him. pitying myself is what i do most of the time since i arrived from my vacation (and also his, since we arrived together). i am endlessly crying and hurting inside because of him and on the other hand someone is in the same situation because of me.
i do have an open communication with him and i tell him everything that makes me cry. but he seems not to take it seriously. is it because of our different ages that we comprehend things differently? im afraid i have given him my all but i think i dont receive something in return. isnt it too unfair? i know in my heart that i really love him and its so pathetic to expect [still!] from him the same.
i have had too much pain since i have had feelings for him. but it’s really my fault after all. i feel like a toy, once used and got tired of, will be disposed. im trying to stay away, but how? do i have to take everything as jokes? to ease the pain im trying to conceal from everyone?
i bet he doesnt understand me and maybe will only laugh at me because for the nth time he had already explained that the ‘we’ will never ever be. damn! and yet we act as though we really are in a relationship. [ really complicated!]
why why why why why why are you like that???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
