♥ hurts
should not have written this blog because i still want to enter stories of what happened between us in chronological order [happy, sad, ‘kilig’ moments, etc] but i really do not have the outlet for my emotions right now so i thought of writing this.
to make everything clear between me and my new-found love at iq, i resolve to thinking and made the decision of breaking up with my boyfriend in pi. so now, i believe i am free and so is our relationship—- a complicated one.
as of writing, my ex is in pain and hurts so much because of our break up… he cannot understand the fact that i don’t want to be unfair since i have fallen out of love and dont want our relationship to go on. however, on the other hand, instead of being happy because i am now finally free, i am also hurting because of my new-found love. ironic, isn’t it?
he [i’ll call him overIT] is on vacation now in the us and the time difference and distance kills me. but not only that, his behavior also which, that is, seems to be affected by our difference in geographical locations though i do not think that it is an acceptable reason for not telling me that he would be going offline and cutting our conversation abruptly. in addition to that, i felt neglected since the day before he left for his r & r. he was not the same sweet overIT i came to know. and he was not also visiting me anymore so i really felt bad about that.
this situation makes me think that whatever i have done to my ex that makes him feel the way he is feeling now is turning right back to me and is exactly the same reason why i am in pain—-because of overIT.
i thought that after breaking up with my then boyfriend, my relationship with overIT would somehow be a serious one. that he would come to realize that i really love him and would be willing to sacrifice almost 4 years of relAtionship with my ex for him. yet, maybe, it even became worse! now that we are apart, i know that his world is open to even more possiblities and leaves me no more space in him. it hurts to be like this because i know for a fact that i have done everything [ i think!] and almost all of our friends and officemates tell me to think it over because i am still young and asks me if would i think he will wait for me til i’m at age for marriage because they are saying that overIT is now at the right age and is really wanting to have a family. but i am too far from that thought. i just really want us to be together and BE in a relationship which is exclusive [with no hang-ups and responsibilities concerning other people].
i guess, that’s really the reality in this world… a friend of mine and overIT told me that life is just like that..when it comes to love, sometimes we are loved terribly by someone, and sometimes, we also love someone so much—-but not reciprocally of course, because if it was mutual, no problem would arise, right?
STILL, I THINK I AM JUST EXPECTING WAY TOO MUCH FROM WHAT WE HAVE RIGHT NOW AND THIS LEAVES ME HURT AND TORN. :( :_(
